Evocation of memories, Unending Melancholy

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I dream of you, I remember you everyday. I won’t say I miss you because you were never forgotten, but yeah I wish you never left. There are times when I feel , maybe I could have given you a little more, – a little more time, a little more love . One more conversation, maybe that could have given me some peace in my heart. But no, you have left and I am here with broken heart, eyes full of tears and body with no strength to bear this trauma. I saw you there,-lying , I knew you weren’t coming back but my heart wished it was just a bad dream, a bad dream that my dreamcatcher would keep away. When I heard the news, I was numb. I wished that my ears heard it wrong. But it had already happened, and I had to face it. I had to keep myself together to go through your loss. I had to gather all the  strength I could to accept the fact that I will never see you again, I will never hear your voice, you’ll not be there when I look for you. The pain was almost like a bullet straight through my heart.

To lose a person you love is the hardest thing in the world but when its someone almost like your mother, its even harder. You can always fake a smile and stop the tears but what you can’t do is convince your heart to accept their departure. But as they say, ‘What doesn’t break you, makes you stronger’ , so yeah the grief makes you stronger, and you get the courage to overcome the trauma, but what you can’t overcome is the beautiful memories of that person. The memories come like flashes in your mind, and takes you back to the time when they were with you.

Its been really hard but I have made myself strong to go through this pain. I know that she is looking at me, I know she thought of me like a daughter and I know she loves me. And I love her too till infinity and beyond. What I have realized is, the person might go away but the love never fades and the love is what keeps you going. Sometimes, I think of her and I can’t stop but cry but then I control myself knowing that she’s in a better place now. And other times, I am left with a big smile on my face because of all the memories and all the good times. I don’t miss her because I haven’t forgotten her. I never can. But the good thing is that I know she’s in a better place. I hope I come out of this agony one day and get myself into a better place as well.

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