Its a matter of realization that the world is filled with so many hateful people, who talk bad about people and enjoy doing so, who aren’t loyal to their friends, who plan murders and foul play but amidst of all these bad people, there are very good ones too. My ‘Aama’ was one of those people who always gave me the reflection of goodness. When I was all packed up last night and I was sleeping, to get back home to Kathmandu from Pokhara the next day, I got a call in the middle of the night about her demise, and when I heard about the news, I felt an incredibly heart-wrenching loss, and somehow I felt as though the loss was not just mine or my family’s, I felt as though the entire world had faced the loss. Loss of the goodness that she carried within her all her life. I couldn’t express the pain in my heart to anyone, for some reason, at that very moment, no one seemed so important.
When I think about my Aama, words such as Discipline, Strength, Love and Beauty comes to mind. A woman with so much of elegance and integrity that she wouldn’t let anything break her down. And now, that strength has gone away, that goodness has gone away, and the heart feels empty with no emotions whatsover to show. Losing grandparents is always a hard thing, but what’s more tuff is not getting to see them one last time, and I felt the same pain. The kind of pain, that might not be understandable to everyone, but it’s not necessary for people to understand at the same time. Now, when she is gone, I am sure she is up there with other good people who went away, and is still trying to spread goodness in the world.
This year has been a year full of losses, and it has ended with a major loss. I have been trying to be strong through all the loss, – losing my pet to losing people I thought were my friends, to losing who I was, but this loss is the greatest. Strength is all you can have in such situations but that strength is an inch away from extincting, and it keeps decreasing with every loved one I lose. But I will try to keep that strength alive, like my Aama would.